My Journey So Far
People often ask me how I came to be where I am now, wherever that may be. <smile> The simple answer is that I have learned how to take the apparent lemons in life and turn them into delicious lemonade. I’ve learned that there are no mistakes in life, only opportunities for growth.
There are some spiritual paths, I have heard, that involve what might be called “initiations”. These “tests” are believed to create character and bring the disciple closer to enlightenment. These “Rites of Passage” are deliberately painful and taxing to the body, mind and soul.They are intentional and do produce powerful results.
I have come to understand my childhood in these terms. In all my years of working as a therapist, I came across very few clients with a childhood history as filled with terror as mine has been.
I know the meaning of severe depression, unbelievable trauma, torture and even death. During my years of depression I would cry and ask God, “What is this all about?” The answer became clear. “You will have answers for people on so many levels, because you will have been there.” I am happy to say, I have been through the tunnel and out the other side and I know the way, in fact I now know some really great short cuts!
At times as a child, my inner world, known to some as imagination but to me quite real, is what kept me alive. I was born with cataracts. I had many surgeries as an infant and I am still legally blind. I learned to see with my internal eyes because my physical eyes couldn’t see. I never understood how powerful these experiences were at the time, however, they were survival techniques. Now these skills have become powerful healing techniques for my clients.
Finally, I grew up and left home. I married way too young and for all the wrong reasons. I was incredibly depressed and wanted to be dead more times than I wanted to live. I thought having kids would make me feel loved. I had four beautiful kids. Their presence triggered my own childhood abuse, and I had no way to know how to love them or nurture them.
I was determined to break the pattern of abuse. I went into therapy and into college, the University of Oklahoma, to become a therapist all at the same time. I would often laugh to myself as I wondered if I would ever be healthy enough to offer healing to others.
The day finally came when I finished therapy and school with a Masters in Social Work, all about the same time. I went to work for an agency and had a private practice on the side. I knew I was good at my work. I knew I was healthier than many therapists, even then. I knew I felt frustrated at how long the process took, not only with my own healing, but the healing of my clients.
In the meantime I had outgrown the father of my kids, we divorced. I continued to grow and heal myself. I learned more and more about spirituality and dared to wonder about such things as angels, guides, Tarot cards, meditation and the like. I had evolved in my spiritual growth from the fundamental Christian church I had grown up in, to the spirit filled churches, then to eastern religions and on into the New Age movement.
As I grew in all these areas I began to understand that the line between therapy and spirituality was almost invisible, except that the mental health profession didn’t agree with me.
I had worked many years to become a licensed therapist. Now, it seemed more of a curse than a gift. The licensing board and many other therapists were so strict on even discussing spiritual issues with clients that I felt stifled and blocked. I finally let my hard-earned licenses fall away. If I had learned nothing else along my path I knew that if I ignored my heart, I would be miserable.
I soon met Vianna and attended her DNA workshop and Theta Healing certification classes. I now have more techniques to help my clients. I can work over the phone, so I’m not limited to only those who can be with me in person.
I can truly say I feel complete gratitude for all of the people in my life including my parents, my kids, my previous life partners, friends and clients. All of these people and those I have yet to encounter play a precious role in who I choose to be.